I’ve decided on a word for 2016…resolve.
1) settle or find a solution to (a problem, dispute, or contentious matter
2) decide firmly on a course of action
noun: firm determination to do something
A good friend of mine, Mark and I were out having dinner and a drink just after New Years. We’ve been friends for over 15 years and there’s a lot of good conversations we have had over the years where one of us has gotten good advice from the other, a big kick to get off our butts, or just a good, deep challenging dialog. We’re coaches of each other, accountability partners, and every now and then one of us calls “bullshit” on each other. It’s a good thing. It’s iron sharpening iron as the bible calls it.
This particular night, we spoke of what had happened this year and what we wanted to see next year. After a long conversation, Mark brought up the word “resolve” and we looked up the definition.
After looking at it, we spoke of ‘resolve’ and what resolutions we had for this coming year and what we were going to do to get there.
When we make New Years resolutions…are they wishes or are they resolutions? What’s the difference?
Wish (verb) feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable; want something that cannot or probably will not happen. (google)
A wish is to arbitrarily make a hope that something will come to pass. Many of us have NY ‘wishes’ , not ‘resolutions’. We come up with what we WISH will happen, maybe write it down, and then wait to see if it will happen. Like maybe the tooth fairy or Santa will bring it over the next year.
Now what happens when you say it’s a resolution and you use the definition of the word for a verb.
RESOLUTION: to find a solution: firm determination to do something.
What’s the difference? Do you see it? Resolve has an action that you are required to do.
So for 2016, did you make resolutions or wishes? ASK yourself what you want to have happen in your life. Is it to stop smoking? Start working out? Read more? DO more? BE MORE?
What is it that you want to have happen in your life!?? WHAT is it!???
Are you throwing up random words into the wind and hoping some lost fairy will sprinkle you with pixie dust?
(Let me know how that works out for you.)
RESOLVE: To find a solution: firm determination to do something
When I look at what happened last year…I wrote it down in the beginning of January of 2015. I hit about 60-70%. Not bad. I had to make things happen to hit my list…I had to keep track…had to WORK at hitting the list.
If I want my life to change, then I have to know the targets I want to hit. I HAVE to know where I want to be. I HAVE to do different things to get different results. There’s a saying that says ‘if you do what you’ve always done, then you’ll get what you’ve always got’. Then there’s something else added. It’s a change of mind…a determination.
I don’t want last year’s results this year…I want this year to be different.
In order to look at ‘different’, I’d say we need to look at a few things.
Where you are.
Where you are going.
How you will get there.
Resolve (or mindset).
Where I am.
For me, I keep a journal. In that journal, I document my life. It’s not a diary, it’s more like Star Treck’s “captains log”. I write about where I’m at in life, what I’m feeling, what’s happening, what I’m struggling with, etc.
Et cetera can mean MANY different things, but it’s a snapshot of my mind, thoughts, emotions, involved in the events of my life…. they act as mile markers. It’s not every day that I write things out…but it’s enough that I try to keep big gaps of time to a minimum.
Where I am Going.
In order for that to happen, I MUST set a course…a deliberate one. Write down what you want to have happen, how you want to change and grow. What vacations you want to go on. Be specific, set the target.
In Lewis Carroll’s story of Alice in Wonderland, the Cheshire Cat and Alice have an interaction.
“Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don’t much care where.
The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go.
Alice: …So long as I get somewhere.
The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you’re sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.
This is a great example. Alice has a ‘wish’ to be in a different place, BUT, where that is doesn’t matter where you go if you don’t know where you want to be.
I have to know where I want to be. If I set my sight to hit that mark, then I will work backwards and set markers in place at points that lead me to that goal. If I find that marker is off, then that’s ok because from that marker I can correct course. This is the HOW in how I will get there.
If I want to write a book, then it’s pages per day/week/month
If I want to work out 3 times a week, set the days in the calendar.
If I want quiet times every weekday, then when is it? What am I doing/reading?
What is my business plan this year? What am I going to achieve? What marathon/iron man am I going to pay the entry fee for before I even start training?
What training schedule am I going to use?
You have to have markers so that you track your progress.
But all this takes one last step:
You can be a smoker and have the goal to quit smoking. You can research the patch, get medical advice, get your friends to help you, stop going to places that trigger the crave….but until you have the RESOLVE….nothing will save you. You have to not only set up a method, you have to WANT to quit.
You can want to get up earlier and have quiet times or want to work out 3 times a week….but until you RESOLVE it in your mind that it NEEDS TO COME TO PASS, you will hit snooze and skip that workout every time.
Know the limits of your resolve, because in doing this, you may need to build a team around you, an accountability partner. You may need someone to call you, check on you…you may need to put up money that get forfeited if you don’t do it.
In ‘resolve’, you also may need to die to something, cut someone off, stop answering someone’s calls…it may require SACRIFICE on your behalf to move forward…what are you willing to give up to hit a mark?
I ask again. What are you willing to SACRIFICE to gain what you currently do not have because it’s said that how bad you want it is directly proportional to what you’re willing to do to get it.
Are you willing to stop buying junk food?
Are you willing to dump out all the alcohol in your house?
Are you willing to cancel cable?
Are you willing to get up EARLY?
Are you willing to stop going to your favorite place?
Are you willing to cut off a relationship, a friend, a bad influence?
Are you willing to admit and go get PROFESSIONAL help?
What are you willing to die for?
What are you willing to let die?
Until you’re aware of what you’re willing to give up….then go ahead and make your wish, because that’s all you’re doing.
Consider me as your Cheshire Cat.
Where do you want to go?